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People and Friends Whom You Can Count On

Posted on: Jun 14, 2012 - 12:29 PM | General Information | Comments (0)

Friends whom you can count on

 

How many times have you been burned by someone who you thought that you could trust? Have you ever had an expectation of someone and thought that you can trust them, only to have them stab you in the back or be nowhere to be found when it really counts? Have you ever relied on someone and had an understanding with them, only to find out that they don’t come through when it counts? How many times have you been hung out to dry and seen those, whom you thought to be your friend(s), benefiting? Have you ever been relying on someone and believed in their loyalty only to find that when you were appearing to be socially undesirable that they were nowhere to be found? Or they turned their back on you when you need them the most?

There are a lot of people out there who will do this, especially in business and romance. I call them “Fair Weather Friends” and “Schmoozer’s”. They are pure users and are only in it because they want something from you; they’re often very good at making rapport with people; in fact they probable have good intentions. And when the getting is good they’ll be there, smiling, and acting like they are your best friend. But be aware, they are only there when there’s something to gain, and as soon as that resource gets scarce they will be nowhere to be seen, or hanging out or doing business with your competitor.  And there’s an ocean of them out there! Has anyone besides me had an experience like this?

 

Fortunately, I was exposed to some of the antidotes of poisonous personalities at a young age, through my God-father Bill, who was a criminal/ prison psychiatrist. He shared a plethora of insights with me from his vast training and experience with people who are not on the high end of the spectrum when it comes to personal accountability. He taught me about many of the “red flags” to look for in people, which will predict future “bad” behavior. Unfortunately, he tended to focus on this aspect of human personality and behavior; he tended to see everyone as criminals. I don’t believe that this is true…

Thank goodness I have also had the benefit of working with some world-class and gifted coaches and mentors who have taught me how to “be” a person who is exceptionally accountable. And I am also living life as a Human Being, here on Planet Earth, and I have “experience”, so I can speak about this topic with conviction and its backed up with my own, personal experience in life. That’s what I have got for you. I believe that I have some valuable insights, which I want to share with you. I am going to tell you how to avoid some people that will use you and discard you like a bad check and not think one way or the other about it. I will also share with you some strategies for finding friends, mates and associates that you can count on, who will come through in a crunch: when you need them the most. And I have compressed a lifetime of experience into a quick, easy and digestible capsule, which you can take  NOW and start reaping the benefits from immediately. Here’s the biggest insight, right now: If you like what I am about to say, I believe that you are ready to progress and you should continue reading. If you are repelled, don’t waste your time reading this whole essay; you are not ready to go there yet, but try again sometime soon. Don’t give up.

The insight is this: It’s not “Them”, it’s “Me”. Are you ready to look at your “shit”? Or are you only going to blame everyone and everything else for all of your problems? Choose right now!

 

Great! You are still here… To start off; my personal experience in life is this:

When I was fourteen, my sister got killed and suddenly a whole mirage of people who acted like they were my friends evaporated and pretended that they didn’t know me, and even said horrendous things about me and my family behind our backs. I got burned many times when I was on my journey to right now. I thought that I had friends whom would be there when times were tough and it made me really sad. I eventually got curious about why it was happening and brainstormed about why this had happened and how to build real friendships and relationships that would last in the future. I am going to share with you my findings and insights here. I hope that you gain something from my “experience” and it helps you to have better prudent judgment ability.

           

Again, its time for a small perspective and accountability shift: It’s not them; its Me! “You must be the change that you want to see in the world,” as Mahatma Gandhi said. It all starts with Me. I’m not going to take away that you may have been a victim of people or circumstances (although you may get some relief if you could) who are unaccountable, usury or unconscious… However, I believe that the truth of the matter is that our associations and surroundings are a personal choice. And we tend to attract and gravitate toward people who are like us. So if you are a giving, loving, and accountable person you will find the majority of the people around you to be on the same wavelength.

 

What can I do to spot people whom I want to stay away from? Here are some questions to ask when considering people to get close with: the answer may point out a big red flag!

 

-Do they show (real) vulnerability? Yes, is a good thing.

-Do you feel like they may be “blowing smoke up your backside”?

-Do they flatter you? Or Compliment you? Flattery is what used car salespeople do. A compliment is more authentic and from the heart. Compliments are good!

-In the workplace: are they predominantly focused on job security? Are they building a “black box” around their position? This means that they are manufacturing job security; they won’t let anyone else know how their job is works, so that they can’t get fired or replaced. This is a bad sign!

-Substance abuse (habitual alcohol or any drug use) is a red flag!  Do they have a problem?

-Is there a trail of destruction behind them?

-Do you hear them say things like “The check’s in the mail.”? Or “Trust me”

or they can’t give you a straight answer or look you in the eye when they give an answer.

-And many more. Books are published about this topic!

 

 

Other strategies:

 

A good rule of thumb may be to avoid the need to “trust” people. It’s kind of judgmental and it’s usually an all or nothing situation, and this will make you disappointed because people are more complex than black and white ideals. “Trust” is kind of an all or nothing concept, and people are rarely all “trustworthy” or all “bad”. It may help to look for varying degrees and levels of accountability in those whom you associate with may work better and will lead to less disappointment. All you have to do is sow a good crop in those people whom you choose to associate with; and choose people who are personally accountable, conscious and awake.

How do you weed out the users, narcissists and sociopaths and get them out of your life permanently? Start by cutting off communication with them and stop associating with them. You are, who you hang out with.

 

Finally and most importantly: learn to read body language. Lack of congruence is most easily spotted in this area. After just a little bit of training and experience you can get on your way to being deception-proof. And you can serve your friends and loved ones even more!

 

How do you find people that you can count on? Look for the people who will be there when shit goes down?

I believe that a majority of people’s “shadow” (selfish) tendencies show up as their strategy of using force instead of using real power (which I believe is Love). If they are using force, it’s probably because they are coming from a perspective of fear, and that’s not a positive thing… Are they living their calling? Are they on the mark? Are they self-aware and personally accountable? Are they getting their needs met? Do they come through on little things? If the answer is no to any of these questions than you may be dealing with someone with questionable behavior. It may be time to be intelligent and create a safe boundary.

 

The real person comes out eventually!

 

Get to know someone over time! Most people project their “representative self” most of the time. And there is another part to us all; every last one of us called the “shadow self”. It’s that part which does what your people pleasing side won’t do, because its socially unacceptable. I believe that you can make a prudent judgment about someone after regularly associating with, getting to know and being around someone for six to nine months. Most people, except for some really slick and possibly narcissistic or sociopathic ones will momentarily expose their shadow selves for you to see over the course of time. Pay attention for when they slip. How do they act or respond when they aren’t getting their needs met? Will they cheat, lie, or double deal to get their needs met? Or are they what psychologists call “passive aggressive?” This is when people won’t engage but they still use force to get their way, and in my experience it’s the most challenging type of behavior to deal with outside of sociopaths and narcissists. This is because they won’t engage; they may act completely phony and put up a very convincing façade to create rapport with you, and then they act nasty when you may least expect it. Or they may act nasty when they know that you can’t do anything about it. That sounds like extortion or blackmail!!! Its really awful to deal with this behavior and I know that we all have at some point. Stay away from people who display the signs of regular passive-aggressive behavior, narcissism, or socio-pathological mindsets.

 

To be clear about Sociopaths, the signs are varying degrees of lack of:

Fear

Empathy

Ability to learn from their mistakes

And ability to deeply connect with other people (or themselves): Love.

 

Dating:

With regard to men dating women (or just being friends): If she (mostly or only) has male “friends” and has a difficult time interacting with other women, is a complete attention-seeking flirt or she has a poor perception of (and a lot of anger directed at) her father, or she’s a shoplifter, alcoholic or drug abuser: RUN! She’s going to use you until the very last drop, sleep with all of your friends, ruin all of your relationships and create destruction in your life and then blame it all on you. And there will always be some knuckle-dragging fool who will think that he has to save her, because she’s brilliant at playing the role of the victim (she believes it completely and it’s the only strategy that she knows). And there’s virtually an endless supply of knuckle-dragging fools (male competitors; sometimes female) out there looking to feel and look like they’re are a hero, support (enable) her and to get a shot at her, or protect their interests. You’ll just have competitors trying to sabotage your relationship the whole time. Stay away from “Black widows” and “Man-eaters”, no matter how attractive or sweet they appear; they are a hologram! Be advised. Run. Run like the wind and never look back!

 

With regard to women dating men (or just being friends): if he has a poor perception of (and a lot of anger directed at) his mother and treats her poorly, or he has a reputation as a “player”: RUN! I wish that I could say more to women about dating; I think that it may be best for me to let a woman do this though. What I can do is recommend the many great books out there, which address this topic; I understand that one of the more popular ones is: “The Rules”. Try starting there.

And I understand why a woman would be attracted to a guy who has a reputation for being a player or a “bad-boy”; to immature and inexperienced "girls", they seem like they are confident and own themselves, but it’s a hologram; its not real! Be aware!

 

 

The good news is that there are varying degrees of this concept in the spectrum of people in the world. However some people are more congruent with their true self. They walk the talk. Their actions correspond with their words?

Have faith and believe in people! It’s the best thing that you can do for yourself and others. Expect the best and prepare for the worst. This way, you are covered. The people who I am looking to connect with and surround myself with are people whom I can count on! And I’m not going to morally judge those people whom I can’t count on; what I will do is make a prudent judgment and eradicate those people from my life.

The people whom you can count on are genuinely curious. People whom you can count on are very simple! This is why the answer is simple. You’ll know them when you meet them! Expect more from Power Curve Coaching regarding this topic in the future!

 

And who better to facilitate you on your journey to success in life, business and romance than a certified and experienced coach. Get in touch for a free 1-hour Discovery session. 

 

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